Red Jade: Having spent all her life here (Ruth) and most of her formative years here (Michelle), it was interesting that they both turned to their roots so to speak and embraced their "Kenyaness", in a way to determine their identity.
Rafiki: I found that very interesting too. I know many parents wonder how much of their own heritage they should pass on to their children. It was eye opening that the kids actually want to learn that heritage especially the language.
Red Jade: I don't have children but I imagine it is a difficult decision. African immigrant parents face the same challenges as say Irish/ Polish/Chinese immigrants of yesteryear who struggled to help their children assimilate believing that it was the only way their children could be successful and also avoid harassment and discrimination. Many of them forbade their children to speak anything else other than English and so the children never learnt their mother tongues. Today, it seems to us that America is more tolerant of foreigners but Michelle points out that people would make fun of her for speaking differently, dressing differently etc. As a parent if you see your child bullied in this way you may pull back from emphasizing your own cultural heritage to help them assimilate.
Rafiki: That is true but I think it is more important to encourage their uniqueness and provide support on the home front. I do not think parents should force their kids to learn another language but they should teach it until the kids decide that they do not want to learn. Their kids will thank them later. It is important to remember that kids pick on each other for various reasons and therefore help kids understand that. It is definitely not easy for a parent.
Red Jade: One of the things that both Ruth and Michelle suggested was frequent trips to the motherland. All that travel can end up being expensive. I know some parents who have opted to send their children "back home" for the holidays, letting the children live with grandparents and other extended family. This allows them to experience life as a local rather than a visitor. Talk about cultural immersion!
Rafiki: That is definitely a great idea. Spending time with extended family is so important and families should make a point to plan for their children to visit their country of origin and meet their relatives. I think most people do not do it because they fail to plan or fail to think about how they will afford a cultural experience for their children. It is important to give it some thought when you start to think about having children.
Red Jade: My co-worker, Amanda, has a Polish grandmother who came to the US as a teenager. She just turned 90 and she has never gone back. Her children (including my co-worker's mother) have never gone to Poland. This summer Amanda and her mother are going to Poland. Alicia says that her mother is very excited to see where her own mother grew up. They are very close and she feels this will help her understand her more. She says that her mother's greatest regret is that she waited so long to make this trip. I trust they will find the trip very fulfilling.
Rafiki: That will definitely be meaningful for them. I know many immigrants who have never been back and always long to go back. It is surprising that even those who do not have any known relatives still want to visit. Ruth was right; our heritage has a huge impact on our identity, even when we don’t live it every day.
Red Jade: An immigrant couple in Canada, Soji and Titi Oyenuga, decided to address the challenge of raising their bicultural children by developing a very systematic program for their two daughters. They have created an audio book to share the program and encourage others to take on this critical task. The book is called, “101 Amazing Tips for Immigrant Parents – How to Transfer Your Heritage Language and Culture to Your Children”. They were featured on the Canadian network Global TV. Here is a video clip of their story.
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