Got a Sexual Health Question? Send a Text to 61827 for Help.

The mobile phone continues to transform the way we live by connecting us to people and information very easily and cheaply. Several companies have taken advantage of the power of the mobile phone to deliver commercial applications for example banking by phone.

Other companies are using the mobile phone to solve social challenges. Enter ISIS which has developed SexInfo, a "sexual health text messaging service program in San Francisco, California.

Text "sexinfo" to "61827", and you can find help on decisions such as "are you ready to have sex" and questions such as "what to do if the condom broke". The service also offers up addresses and phone numbers of clinics in San Francisco that may help you.

This service is an excellent use of technology to easily disseminate accurate sexual health information and in the process they are solving a major social challenge affecting our youth. We hope to see the growth and spread of their services to other parts of the country.

Note that text messaging rates will apply depending on your mobile service provider.

Do you have Short Term Disability? Why you should get it!

In my line of work, I encounter employees who go through the unfortunate circumstances of an unplanned leave from work. This can be devastating to a family especially if the leave is due to an accident or an unexpected illness. Families have to deal with what is going on with their loved ones as well as deal with the loss of income with dire consequences such as losing their home or car. Many families are one income families and are adversely affected if there is no income coming in for over a month. This is usually true especially for people who did not purchase short term disability insurance.

Short term disability insurance pays a percentage of your salary for a specified amount of time due to loss of income caused by a disability. The percentage of salary paid is 50-70% though there are companies that pay 100%. The insurance is either employer or employee sponsored. Most employers offer a group plan that is not very high cost. The duration of this benefit is typically between 10-26 weeks.

I have seen many employees decline this insurance because they do not want to pay the premiums. However it is a small price to pay to save you the headache of trying to recover while worrying about how to pay your bills. Most men assume short term disability is for women since they are the ones that may need maternity leave but anyone can have an accident or a sudden illness. It is a great supplement to an emergency fund especially when loss of a substantial part of a family income has occurred.

Individual STD policies are not widely available. It is better to but STD coverage through your employer. SOme insurers sell "accident policies" that will pay you money each month for a year if you are injured in an accident which may work for people who are self employed. The specific rules for each policy will vary but it a must have for working families.  

What Not To Say To A Friend Who Is ILL

I am always searching for information on something or the other, but sometimes I come across an article and only when I read it do I realize that it is exactly what I needed even though I had not known to search for it.

I encourage you to read this article and really think about the suggestions therein and how you can use them to comfort friends and family who may be dealing with a grave illness or the loss of a loved one. I found the article in The New York Times. It is by Bruce Feiler and is titled "You Look Great and other Lies".

Mr. Feiler has an extraordinary story. He was diagnosed with bone cancer 3 years ago and his prognosis was very dire. He did not think he was going to live and that prompted him to reach out to his male friends to ask each of them to play a specific role to raise his twin daughters after he was gone. This experience resulted in a book, "The Council of Dads: A Story of Family, Friendship and Learning How to Live" that is currently available in stores.

Anyway, I digress; so back to the article in the Times where Feiler reports that a friend told him that her sister had been diagnosed with cancer and that she did not know what to do. His friend asked him, "What should I do?”. I am sure that is a question that many of us have asked ourselves.

Feiler's article is a response to that question based on his experiences when he was terminally ill. Obviously, it is personal to him but when I read through several of the comments written in response to the article, other people who had been similar circumstances seemed to echo his sentiments. This is not a “one size fits all recipe”. Every person is an individual and should be treated as such. But if you don’t know where to start, Feiler’s article may point you in the right direction.

A couple of suggestions struck a chord with me. To start with he says, “Don’t ask someone what you can do to help”. People who are sick or going through a difficult time can’t really focus on what needs to be done plus they don’t want to feel more vulnerable than they already do. Instead do something, or offer to do something specific, that needs to get done: bring food, clean the dishes, take out the trash, pick up groceries, vacuum.

Feiler also pointed out that many of us are guilty of trying to comfort others by saying. “everything will be ok”. He suggests that we should avoid such comments as you may not know the extent of the illness and really you do not know if everything will be ok.

I will not attempt to summarize the entire article for fear of losing something in translation, but I urge you to read the full article, by clicking here.

African Girl with Natural Hair Series: Say Yes to Indian powders

During my journey growing my natural hair, I have researched cultures that have beautiful hair to learn their ancient practices that keep the hair healthy and beautiful. People have admired indian hair for generations and I have sought to find out their beauty secrets. I love the fact that they use many natural oils and powders. I have adapted the following practices for my hair regimen. 

Amla Powder: 

This powder is made from Indian gooseberry plant. I use it as a cleanser and to make my deep conditioner. It gives nourishment to hair because it is rich in vitamin C, removes dandruff and gives it body. It also stimulates the scalp because it is a natural astringent and prevents infection. You can also use it on the skin to remove grime and prevent acne breakouts. This powder can be bought in indian stores. They also sell the Amla oil but most of the oils contain mineral oil which is not good for the hair. I add Amla powder to coconut milk and a few drops of coconut oil to make a deep conditioner. 

Shikakai powder:

This powder is made from the fruit of the Acacia Concinna tree. I use it as a cleanser and mix it with a conditioner once or twice a month to remove any build up. It is a natural cleansing agent which cleanses hair and the scalp and leaves hair looking shiny and clean. It also promotes growth because it stimulates the scalp and acts as a coolant. Shikakai is drying to my hair so I always follow the wash with a conditioner for a clean silky feeling. I also mix it with amla powder for a less drying effect. 

8 Fascinating Lists From Listverse

On a daily basis, Listverse serves up the most fascinating list compilations in 15 different categories including one called "controversial". Below are 8 lists to pore over today:

1. Top 10 Peaceful Men
2. 10 Good Reasons To Embrace Poverty
3. Top 10 National Dishes You Should Try
4. 10 More Great British Comedy Series
5. Top 10 Misused English Words
6. Top 10 Badass Comic Book Villains
7. 5 Common Medical Errors in Movies
8. Top 10 Hybrid Animals

African Girl with Natural Hair Series: My Regimen

I wash twice a week or every 3-4 days with any moisturizing conditioner...I use suave and Herbal Essences Hello Hydration which I love. I do not use shampoo. 

I do a deep condition weekly or biweekly depending on how busy I am and just rinse it off with water. Sometimes I use a store bought deep conditioner or just mix coconut milk with amla and any other natural oils I may have. 

Every couple of weeks, I mix some indian powders-amla/shikakai to wash the hair thoroughly. If I still have product build up in my hair, I rinse it with apple cider vinegar. 

I do a protein conditioner once or every two months just depending on how my hair feels. If my hair starts breaking, then I know it is time for a protein conditioner. I also use Henna from time to time. 

After I wash my hair, I apply a moisturizer which is either store bought such as Shea butter or a home mixture of cooking olive oil or coconut oil and seal it with castor oil. If I want to style my hair then I use Carol's daughter hair milk and if it is a curly hairstyle, I use a water based moisturizer Fantasia IC Pure Tea Silk Moisturizer. I regularly spritz my hair with a mixture of water, coconut oil and glycerin. I stick with low manipulation styles and use fingers to style my hair. 
Some products I avoid are 

• Any products containing alcohol because they are drying to hair
• Any products with petroleum and mineral oil because it coats the hair and keeps out moisture
• Any products with sodium and ammonium laurel sulfate which is why I do not use most shampoos
• Any products with parabens

I would love to hear what works for you. 

Is Your Natural Personality Sabotaging Your Success?

This is the last of my nuggets from the conference last week—I think I have milked it long enough. Back to my favorite speaker who also talked about what it takes to succeed. Though he gave the example of professional success, this applies to all all areas of your life.

A few years ago, he realized he had to make some changes to save his business from collapse. His business was successful because he was a successful sales rep. However, when he lost several key accounts, he realized that the business he had built could not survive without him.

He had built the wrong business. Instead he needed to build his business in such a way that he was not the "star revenue producer". He had to take a step back and develop his employees, train and support his sales reps to be successful.

Once he realized what he had to do, he rose to the challenge and tried to do exactly that. However, he wasn't making any progress. It took him awhile to realize that who "he was naturally was very different from who he was required to be professionally".

Naturally, he is individualistic, very competitive, not a team-sports-kind-of-guy. That kind of personality was responsible for his success as a sales rep. It did not serve him well when he tried to build a company.

For him to build a successful company he had to adopt a "different" personality. He has had to learn: to be a team leader, to delegate, to rely on others, to watch others on his team fail and learn from their failures instead of stepping in to fix the problem. Now he sees himself not as an individual but as the team leader of the greatest company in his niche.

There is a an important lesson here for all of us. Many times we hide behind our natural personalities even when they do not serve us well. If you are an individualist you may need to learn to be a team player. And if you are a team player you may need to learn to be an individualist and not always hide behind the team.

To be successful as an adult, a spouse, a parent, an employee, sometimes requires that we have to work against our intrinsic nature to develop the qualities that will make our personal lives richer and our professional lives more successful.

The Untold Story Of The Illegal Immigrant

Jose Antonio Vargas is a career journalist; according to his define american blog, he has written hundreds of stories including covering the 2008 presidential campaign for The Washington Post; profiling Al Gore for Rolling Stone and Mark Zuckerberg for The New Yorker; writing and producing a documentary on the AIDS epidemic in the nation’s capital; and winning a Pulitzer Prize for helping cover the Virginia Tech massacre. He is also an illegal immigrant as first published on this New York Times story.

I have always wondered what would happen if we put a name, a face and a story on the illegal immigration debate. It is so easy to address a group of people and discuss what or how they should be dealt with when we do not know who they are, where they live or what they do. Most of us have heard the story of the criminal illegal immigrant who has killed a cop in our city and is a repeat offender who flees the country after he gets out of jail and then swims back in to commit another crime.

What if the illegal immigrant owned your local dry cleaner? what if they were your most valuable employee? what if they watched your children? what if they bagged your groceries? what if they owned your favorite restaurant? The majority of the illegal immigrants did not jump a fence or swim across the seas, the majority of them came to the US legally for a better life and discovered what they thought was an easy path to a green card would be the hardest journey they will ever take. Many of them have chosen not to take the many paths for easy resolution and keep hoping that something will happen soon to help them realize their dreams. Some immigrants got their ticket from many hopeful villagers who gave sacrificially to help them fulfill this dream. Many of these same people are stuck they can get their ailing parents much needed medical care, food and decent housing with the hard knock life of being illegal as opposed to returning home with no hopes of making the same livelihood. Many if them wonder; How can they just go back? What will happen to all the people that depend on them?

Then there is the other face of illegal immigrants; the college students from a developing country. They come here in hope for a bright future with a great education which takes years to complete while paying international fees. Only to graduate and find out that the one or two year employment card does not guarantee them a job. Others find out that the one or two semesters they were out if school put them out of status and therefore they do not qualify for the employment card. Many people consider going back to their home country at that point but struggle with how far behind they are from their peers. They want to stay a little while to catch up and save some money. Months become years and before they know it, they have responsibilities and families who have no concept of the mental battles they face. Others did all the right things and stayed in school, got their employment card and H1B sponsorship and then lost their job. They are immediately out of status and have just bought their first house.

I understand and respect the law and do not believe in breaking it. I am not advocating for illegal immigration but I am acknowledging it is a serious problem that needs to be resolved without the pressures of being elected to a next term or being isolated from a political party. When we find out a family member is in trouble and is doing drugs or is having difficulty coping, we get them help and they take steps to get better. There may be a few bad apples but most illegal immigrants are people just like you and me who have dreams and hopes for their children. They are your neighbors, your servers, your local florist, your barber, your nanny etc. Some of them like Jose had no idea they were illegal because their parents believed the media portrayal of America as the land of milk and honey where green-cards grow on trees.

Some current issues facing illegal immigrants in some states 

• They cannot renew their driver's license
• They cannot get their cars registered
• They cannot be given rides by others
• They cannot insure their cars because of lack of registration and a current license
• They cannot get a decent job except under the table
• The live in constant fear of the future 

How does this make it safer for them and for the American citizens?

Listen to Jose Antonio Vargas as he tells this familiar story.

Let's talk, let's debate and let's get all of our feelings out here but for goodness sake let us do something!!

Who Will Take You To The Promised Land?

During my conference last week, I listened to one of the most powerful presentations that I have ever heard. The kind of presentation that you take home and apply to not only your professional life but also your personal life and it influences the rest of your life.

The speaker talked about being a leader and that we should all work every day to be a better leader. Fair enough.

Well, he was not talking about people who are already in positions of leadership, at work or in their communities. He was talking about personal leadership. He said:


"You don't have to have people reporting to you to be a leader.
You can and should be a leader of yourself".


That really struck me and it made me think of how I may be missing the mark in leading myself. I think many of us think and say that we are in charge of our own lives. But are we really in charge?

Ask yourself, "who is really leading me? How much are you influenced by your friends, your family? Are you slavishly following the latest pop cultural phenomena and allowing that to influence and lead you? In the celebrity obsessed culture that seems to have taken over the world, it is easy to find ourselves caught up in that lifestyle. Are you letting life happen to you instead of you planning and directing your life?

To lead yourself, you first have to decide what kind of person you want to be. And then you consciously work on being that person, learning and embracing the values you have chosen.

People look up to their leaders to deliver them to the "promised land". Are you delivering yourself to "your promised land"? No one can take you there but yourself.

Resources to help you learn English and /Or Improve your Accent

Good communication is one of the most important skills to help new immigrants settle. It is key to getting a job and to forming new relationships.

Here are some resources to help you learn English

• http://www.usalearns.org/index/welcome.cfm?: This is a free site where anyone can set up a profile and learn English. 
• http://www.accentschool.com/: This free resource helps you improve your accent. Canadian immigrants can also go to http://www.extradollar.net/free-accent-reduction.html for language resources. 
• Your local library has many free books and DVDs that you can check out to help you learn or improve your spoken English
• The local community colleges also have ESL classes which are useful for learning the language and also for cultural integration. Classes are also available at your local libraries and online. Click here for an online ESL lab.
• Friends and family can also be a great resource as they share their experiences and lessons on communication. 

Our accents are a wonderful part of who we are as immigrants; they tie us to our past. I am not advocating changing them but learning how to tweak them to help others understand us and improve our overall communication. This is especially important for new immigrants because communication is the human connection we need to navigate our new waters. 

Lessons from Jim Rohn—America's Favorite Business Philosopher

One of my greatest regrets in life is that I never heard Jim Rohn speaking in person. Some time last year I decided that I wanted to attend a Jim Rohn event and so I looked on his website to find his next speaking engagement. Sadly, I discovered that Jim Rohn had passed away a few months before. I felt that I had lost a guardian angel who for the past few years lit the path ahead for me.

I had the great fortune of listening to one of his audio tapes a few years ago and I was hooked. I have spent many hours with Jim Rohn, listening to him in my car, discussing his philosophies with friends.

A great part of who I am has been shaped by Jim Rohn. Such simple, profound wisdom that we all should know, but that Jim explains in such a way that it makes such sense that you have to ask yourself, "why did I not think of that before".

It is because of Jim Rohn that I am motivated to work harder and harder every day to see how far I can go, how much better I can become. I would like to share with you a couple of clips that are available on youtube:

1. An Exceptional Life—Don't Major In Minor Things



2. Attitude, Philosophy, Discipline—Work Harder On Yourself than on your Job











To purchase his complete audio tapes, which I highly recommend, go to www.jimrohn.com.

Have an Exceptional Day.