Rafiki,
I am sure you will enjoy this Slate capsule, "honoring great moments from Oscars past", where among others, Halle Berry in "Waterworks" was a nominee for the award of Most Verklempt Acceptance Speech".
One of my best Oscar moments (also highlighted in this video) is Roberto Benigni's reaction when "Life is Beautiful" won the award for Best Foreign Film. It still makes me smile when I think about it.
Enjoy!
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Red Jade: Having spent all her life here (Ruth) and most of her formative years here (Michelle), it was interesting that they both turned to their roots so to speak and embraced their "Kenyaness", in a way to determine their identity.
Rafiki: I found that very interesting too. I know many parents wonder how much of their own heritage they should pass on to their children. It was eye opening that the kids actually want to learn that heritage especially the language.
Red Jade: I don't have children but I imagine it is a difficult decision. African immigrant parents face the same challenges as say Irish/ Polish/Chinese immigrants of yesteryear who struggled to help their children assimilate believing that it was the only way their children could be successful and also avoid harassment and discrimination. Many of them forbade their children to speak anything else other than English and so the children never learnt their mother tongues. Today, it seems to us that America is more tolerant of foreigners but Michelle points out that people would make fun of her for speaking differently, dressing differently etc. As a parent if you see your child bullied in this way you may pull back from emphasizing your own cultural heritage to help them assimilate.
Rafiki: That is true but I think it is more important to encourage their uniqueness and provide support on the home front. I do not think parents should force their kids to learn another language but they should teach it until the kids decide that they do not want to learn. Their kids will thank them later. It is important to remember that kids pick on each other for various reasons and therefore help kids understand that. It is definitely not easy for a parent.
Red Jade: One of the things that both Ruth and Michelle suggested was frequent trips to the motherland. All that travel can end up being expensive. I know some parents who have opted to send their children "back home" for the holidays, letting the children live with grandparents and other extended family. This allows them to experience life as a local rather than a visitor. Talk about cultural immersion!
Rafiki: That is definitely a great idea. Spending time with extended family is so important and families should make a point to plan for their children to visit their country of origin and meet their relatives. I think most people do not do it because they fail to plan or fail to think about how they will afford a cultural experience for their children. It is important to give it some thought when you start to think about having children.
Red Jade: My co-worker, Amanda, has a Polish grandmother who came to the US as a teenager. She just turned 90 and she has never gone back. Her children (including my co-worker's mother) have never gone to Poland. This summer Amanda and her mother are going to Poland. Alicia says that her mother is very excited to see where her own mother grew up. They are very close and she feels this will help her understand her more. She says that her mother's greatest regret is that she waited so long to make this trip. I trust they will find the trip very fulfilling.
Rafiki: That will definitely be meaningful for them. I know many immigrants who have never been back and always long to go back. It is surprising that even those who do not have any known relatives still want to visit. Ruth was right; our heritage has a huge impact on our identity, even when we don’t live it every day.
Red Jade: An immigrant couple in Canada, Soji and Titi Oyenuga, decided to address the challenge of raising their bicultural children by developing a very systematic program for their two daughters. They have created an audio book to share the program and encourage others to take on this critical task. The book is called, “101 Amazing Tips for Immigrant Parents – How to Transfer Your Heritage Language and Culture to Your Children”. They were featured on the Canadian network Global TV. Here is a video clip of their story.
" I think Ruth gave a good example of life being born in America to a predominantly mono-cultural Kenyan family. I can speak from the perspective of a Kenyan that has spent half of my life immersed in two different cultures
"I can speak about it in terms of phases. First, I found myself painstakingly different than my new peers. Mix that with some crippling homesickness, you find yourself isolated by the sound of your accent, your background, your hair, some of your mannerisms and food choices. Your different-ness juts out from all sides of you and it made me shy, reserved, less likely to put my hand up in class for fear ridicule or of sticking out. You are more Kenyan than American and in America that does not always feel like a cool thing. So you enter the next phase when you start shifting yourself to be more like your new environment. You make intentional changes in your identity and thus your personality to shake off as much of this different-ness that you can. You want to be American because its everywhere and its cooler and newer.
In this phase, you may start losing your accent, you listen to different music, you eat different food, you start your wearing your clothes differently. Before you know it you are becoming Americanized and this comes out in various ways. You may start being more bold with your parents, who have always known and expected their children to behave like they did or better, based on Kenyan standards of respect. Any diversion from this set of behaviors is castigated as a betrayal or a rejection of your culture. You feel more American than Kenyan, you don't speak to your old friends and family like before. You have more American memories than Kenyan ones (most of which are fading from your memory).
"Another phase I went through, marked I think the beginning of turn in my experience. At this phase, you find it easier to navigate between your American and your Kenyan perspective. You speak one language mostly in the world and you speak Swahili with your parents and family who are eager to keep alive the language of their culture. You find yourself appreciating and valuing your "different-ness". You are proud of the fact that you speak a different language, you are bilingual. You have lived in two different countries and continents. You may even find yourself rejecting "americanization". You may start to accentuate your Kenyan-ness, but you have some American-ness in you, that is tightly wound in your history now as well. You strive for a balance between the two in a way that suits you; As you have grown and spent two halves of your life in two different places. You may start wearing your hair naturally, you may begin to love the colorfulness of kitenges, or african art, food, movies, music. Things that you probably may not even yearn for if you lived in Kenya. You now want to embrace and entwine both, because honestly you are both.
All in all, its been amazing journey. Things that I think have been supportive have been:
1.Having a family that really embraces me no matter how I change, but also does not hesitate to comment or react if I'm clearly going about it in a negative way. My parents I think walked a tight line trying to preserve the Kenyan within me, but were not forceful or suffocating . I think parents should just not let down when it comes to waving the Kenyan flag high.
2. I think having both rich and vibrant "american" and"kenyan" communities that make it easy to appreciate and adapt some of their qualities.
3. I think also having someone that relates to this experience that you can talk to, vent, laugh about whenever also builds a good support system for you. You know that someone understands the dynamics of your existence. My group of girlfriends have similar life trajectories and are amazing to be around in general.
4. Also, I think having a way to maintain a connection to the culture that you may have left in your birth country keeps you growing as well. I think things like facebook, the internet are bringing old friends, new friends together. Its easier to maintain a presence in two places. I think travelling back to Kenya is always a good and refreshing way to calibrate too."
A few posts back, I expressed how I don’t like events where I am required to network. At the time I noted that I should probably take a class and try and pick up a couple of tips that would help me. And so I did.
I found a class here in Houston, hosted by my favorite Continuing Ed folks (that’s the Texan in me speaking), Leisure Learning Limited. I have taken several classes over the years with them and the classes have always been very helpful. I recommend them highly.
Back to networking, I attended a class “Corporate & Social Success – Mastering the Mingle” taught by Maria Bassa. The class was only an hour and a half but Ms. Bassa was a very engaging instructor and I picked up a couple of tips from her that I want to share with you.
Ms. Bassa emphasized that here in America “we are expected to make instant connections even though they may not lead to deep friendships”. These connections have a huge impact on all of us in both social and professional interactions. When you make a connection with someone, you are inclined to view that person positively, and want to develop the connection further whether it is by offering them a job, making a business deal or becoming friends.
One way to make a positive connection is to “mind your language”. There are certain things that we say that actually make a negative impression on others and especially on strangers. Here are Bassa’s tips on 5 Things NOT To Say When You Meet Someone:
1. Don’t play guessing games such as asking people, “Remember Me?” or “Guess my age?”
2. Don’t say, “I don’t drink, smoke, take coffee etc.”
3. Don’t say, “I have a great idea.”
4. Don’t be negative.
5. Don’t remind people of the promises they have not kept.
Do you have other tips that you can share with us?
Post a comment to join the conversation.
