Parenting Bi-cultural children-Journeying through multiple cultures

Many people leave their countries to go to college and to search for a more opportunities. For many of them family is the last thing on their mind. They wait to settle and then start a family. However some families already have children when they emigrate and their lives can be even more challenging as they grapple with settling and helping their children settle. Michelle Lugalia- Hollon moved to the US from Kenya when she had already started her school career. She has great insights to offer to parents who are wondering what their children are going through as they journey between the two cultures. Here is Michelle in her own words

" I think Ruth gave a good example of life being born in America to a predominantly mono-cultural Kenyan family. I can speak from the perspective of a Kenyan that has spent half of my life immersed in two different cultures

"I can speak about it in terms of phases. First, I found myself painstakingly different than my new peers. Mix that with some crippling homesickness, you find yourself isolated by the sound of your accent, your background, your hair, some of your mannerisms and food choices. Your different-ness juts out from all sides of you and it made me shy, reserved, less likely to put my hand up in class for fear ridicule or of sticking out. You are more Kenyan than American and in America that does not always feel like a cool thing. So you enter the next phase when you start shifting yourself to be more like your new environment. You make intentional changes in your identity and thus your personality to shake off as much of this different-ness that you can. You want to be American because its everywhere and its cooler and newer.

In this phase, you may start losing your accent, you listen to different music, you eat different food, you start your wearing your clothes differently. Before you know it you are becoming Americanized and this comes out in various ways. You may start being more bold with your parents, who have always known and expected their children to behave like they did or better, based on Kenyan standards of respect. Any diversion from this set of behaviors is castigated as a betrayal or a rejection of your culture. You feel more American than Kenyan, you don't speak to your old friends and family like before. You have more American memories than Kenyan ones (most of which are fading from your memory). 

"Another phase I went through, marked I think the beginning of turn in my experience. At this phase, you find it easier to navigate between your American and your Kenyan perspective. You speak one language mostly in the world and you speak Swahili with your parents and family who are eager to keep alive the language of their culture. You find yourself appreciating and valuing your "different-ness". You are proud of the fact that you speak a different language, you are bilingual. You have lived in two different countries and continents. You may even find yourself rejecting "americanization". You may start to accentuate your Kenyan-ness, but you have some American-ness in you, that is tightly wound in your history now as well. You strive for a balance between the two in a way that suits you; As you have grown and spent two halves of your life in two different places. You may start wearing your hair naturally, you may begin to love the colorfulness of kitenges, or african art, food, movies, music. Things that you probably may not even yearn for if you lived in Kenya. You now want to embrace and entwine both, because honestly you are both.

All in all, its been amazing journey. Things that I think have been supportive have been:

1.Having a family that really embraces me no matter how I change, but also does not hesitate to comment or react if I'm clearly going about it in a negative way. My parents I think walked a tight line trying to preserve the Kenyan within me, but were not forceful or suffocating . I think parents should just not let down when it comes to waving the Kenyan flag high.

 2. I think having both rich and vibrant "american" and"kenyan" communities that make it easy to appreciate and adapt some of their qualities.

 3. I think also having someone that relates to this experience that you can talk to, vent, laugh about whenever also builds a good support system for you. You know that someone understands the dynamics of your existence. My group of girlfriends have similar life trajectories and are amazing to be around in general. 

4. Also, I think having a way to maintain a connection to the culture that you may have left in your birth country keeps you growing as well. I think things like facebook, the internet are bringing old friends, new friends together. Its easier to maintain a presence in two places. I think travelling back to Kenya is always a good and refreshing way to calibrate too."