I found the articles on "Parenting BiCultural Kids" by Ruth and Michelle very insightful.

Red Jade: Having spent all her life here (Ruth) and most of her formative years here (Michelle), it was interesting that they both turned to their roots so to speak and embraced their "Kenyaness", in a way to determine their identity.

Rafiki: I found that very interesting too. I know many parents wonder how much of their own heritage they should pass on to their children. It was eye opening that the kids actually want to learn that heritage especially the language.

Red Jade: I don't have children but I imagine it is a difficult decision. African immigrant parents face the same challenges as say Irish/ Polish/Chinese immigrants of yesteryear who struggled to help their children assimilate believing that it was the only way their children could be successful and also avoid harassment and discrimination. Many of them forbade their children to speak anything else other than English and so the children never learnt their mother tongues. Today, it seems to us that America is more tolerant of foreigners but Michelle points out that people would make fun of her for speaking differently, dressing differently etc. As a parent if you see your child bullied in this way you may pull back from emphasizing your own cultural heritage to help them assimilate.

Rafiki: That is true but I think it is more important to encourage their uniqueness and provide support on the home front. I do not think parents should force their kids to learn another language but they should teach it until the kids decide that they do not want to learn. Their kids will thank them later. It is important to remember that kids pick on each other for various reasons and therefore help kids understand that. It is definitely not easy for a parent.

Red Jade: One of the things that both Ruth and Michelle suggested was frequent trips to the motherland. All that travel can end up being expensive. I know some parents who have opted to send their children "back home" for the holidays, letting the children live with grandparents and other extended family. This allows them to experience life as a local rather than a visitor. Talk about cultural immersion!

Rafiki: That is definitely a great idea. Spending time with extended family is so important and families should make a point to plan for their children to visit their country of origin and meet their relatives. I think most people do not do it because they fail to plan or fail to think about how they will afford a cultural experience for their children. It is important to give it some thought when you start to think about having children.

Red Jade: My co-worker, Amanda, has a Polish grandmother who came to the US as a teenager. She just turned 90 and she has never gone back. Her children (including my co-worker's mother) have never gone to Poland. This summer Amanda and her mother are going to Poland. Alicia says that her mother is very excited to see where her own mother grew up. They are very close and she feels this will help her understand her more. She says that her mother's greatest regret is that she waited so long to make this trip. I trust they will find the trip very fulfilling.

Rafiki: That will definitely be meaningful for them. I know many immigrants who have never been back and always long to go back. It is surprising that even those who do not have any known relatives still want to visit. Ruth was right; our heritage has a huge impact on our identity, even when we don’t live it every day.

Red Jade: An immigrant couple in Canada, Soji and Titi Oyenuga, decided to address the challenge of raising their bicultural children by developing a very systematic program for their two daughters. They have created an audio book to share the program and encourage others to take on this critical task. The book is called, “101 Amazing Tips for Immigrant Parents – How to Transfer Your Heritage Language and Culture to Your Children”. They were featured on the Canadian network Global TV. Here is a video clip of their story.

Parenting Bi-cultural children-Journeying through multiple cultures

Many people leave their countries to go to college and to search for a more opportunities. For many of them family is the last thing on their mind. They wait to settle and then start a family. However some families already have children when they emigrate and their lives can be even more challenging as they grapple with settling and helping their children settle. Michelle Lugalia- Hollon moved to the US from Kenya when she had already started her school career. She has great insights to offer to parents who are wondering what their children are going through as they journey between the two cultures. Here is Michelle in her own words

" I think Ruth gave a good example of life being born in America to a predominantly mono-cultural Kenyan family. I can speak from the perspective of a Kenyan that has spent half of my life immersed in two different cultures

"I can speak about it in terms of phases. First, I found myself painstakingly different than my new peers. Mix that with some crippling homesickness, you find yourself isolated by the sound of your accent, your background, your hair, some of your mannerisms and food choices. Your different-ness juts out from all sides of you and it made me shy, reserved, less likely to put my hand up in class for fear ridicule or of sticking out. You are more Kenyan than American and in America that does not always feel like a cool thing. So you enter the next phase when you start shifting yourself to be more like your new environment. You make intentional changes in your identity and thus your personality to shake off as much of this different-ness that you can. You want to be American because its everywhere and its cooler and newer.

In this phase, you may start losing your accent, you listen to different music, you eat different food, you start your wearing your clothes differently. Before you know it you are becoming Americanized and this comes out in various ways. You may start being more bold with your parents, who have always known and expected their children to behave like they did or better, based on Kenyan standards of respect. Any diversion from this set of behaviors is castigated as a betrayal or a rejection of your culture. You feel more American than Kenyan, you don't speak to your old friends and family like before. You have more American memories than Kenyan ones (most of which are fading from your memory). 

"Another phase I went through, marked I think the beginning of turn in my experience. At this phase, you find it easier to navigate between your American and your Kenyan perspective. You speak one language mostly in the world and you speak Swahili with your parents and family who are eager to keep alive the language of their culture. You find yourself appreciating and valuing your "different-ness". You are proud of the fact that you speak a different language, you are bilingual. You have lived in two different countries and continents. You may even find yourself rejecting "americanization". You may start to accentuate your Kenyan-ness, but you have some American-ness in you, that is tightly wound in your history now as well. You strive for a balance between the two in a way that suits you; As you have grown and spent two halves of your life in two different places. You may start wearing your hair naturally, you may begin to love the colorfulness of kitenges, or african art, food, movies, music. Things that you probably may not even yearn for if you lived in Kenya. You now want to embrace and entwine both, because honestly you are both.

All in all, its been amazing journey. Things that I think have been supportive have been:

1.Having a family that really embraces me no matter how I change, but also does not hesitate to comment or react if I'm clearly going about it in a negative way. My parents I think walked a tight line trying to preserve the Kenyan within me, but were not forceful or suffocating . I think parents should just not let down when it comes to waving the Kenyan flag high.

 2. I think having both rich and vibrant "american" and"kenyan" communities that make it easy to appreciate and adapt some of their qualities.

 3. I think also having someone that relates to this experience that you can talk to, vent, laugh about whenever also builds a good support system for you. You know that someone understands the dynamics of your existence. My group of girlfriends have similar life trajectories and are amazing to be around in general. 

4. Also, I think having a way to maintain a connection to the culture that you may have left in your birth country keeps you growing as well. I think things like facebook, the internet are bringing old friends, new friends together. Its easier to maintain a presence in two places. I think travelling back to Kenya is always a good and refreshing way to calibrate too."

Parenting Bi-cultural Children-A Question of Identity?

At some point in our lives we ask this question; Who Am I? For some people, this is an easy question to  answer but for others it takes years of discovery. This is especially true for children raised by immigrant parents. Their parents have strong roots in another culture that is distinctly different from the way they are growing up, they speak a different language, have different traditions and a different lifestyle from many of their friends. Identity is a highly complex issue that cannot be tackled in one blog post but to start off the conversation, I talked to two brilliant young women who were raised in the US by immigrant parents. Here is what Ruth Githumbi had to say......


"Being in a bi-cultural home is more impactful than even those of us who live it can fully understand. For many of us, there is a feeling of being torn between two worlds...Kenyan and American. I think the feeling is compounded for those, like myself, that were born in America. This creates a disconnected feeling to the country that birthed your entire family. Especially if you don't speak your mother tongue. There is always a feeling of connection to Kenya, but it is not the same as someone who had been born there. The same can be said for America; although it is my birth country and home, I still feel a disconnect to some of the practices/ideals, etc. 


"I wish my mother could realize that culture cannot be called on cue. When being raised as an American as I was, it's hard to switch over to being Kenyan when it is convenient for your parents. For example (just an example, really not my life), you live the American dream by going to college to obtain a career, but you are supposed to be the traditional Kenyan housewife/mother. That leaves one almost feeling like they are living a double-life. It takes time to reconcile the two cultures in adulthood, but it can be done by truly appreciating each aspect of yourself. Your upbringing has such an impact on your personality/morals/values it is important to reconcile the emotions and experiences so that you can develop a real sense of your Kenyan-American self. 


"I think the biggest piece of advice I would give is to never be afraid to express your culture to your children. I believe with Reagan in the 80s, there was a cultural push to integrate and assimilate which caused many Kenyan parents (probably many other immigrant parents as well) to sideline many cultural practices in order for their children to feel accepted. I understand the logic but I love to see a child born in America speaking swahili/kikuyu etc. We are at a time of rampant inter-racial marriage so it's important to keep our culture alive with our children. I have to somehow learn two languages before my children are born. Yikes!


" I also think it would be great to establish a Kenyan community center for these kids to learn their roots. I find the one pitfall with the African-American community to be the fact that they are a lost people. It is crucial to self-esteem to know your lineage. Never forget to talk about Kenya and definitely make frequent trips to keep the children connected. Basically, find a way to fuse the amazing aspects of both cultures for your children."


........................the conversation will continue over the next couple of weeks. Let us know what you think about biculturalism and parenting.