African Girl with Natural Hair Series: Lessons from the Kink

I did a length check this weekend and here is my current length.

As I was going through my whole afternoon process of washing, conditioning, blowdrying and flat ironing my hair, I realized that growing my hair has taught me so much. My hair is now between arm pit and bra strap length when straightened but it is hard to tell because with the Houston humidity, it shrinks back pretty quickly. Hereare some of the lessons I credit to my hair....

Challenge the status quo: When I first started thinking about cutting off my permed hair, I did not know any adult who had done it. I was in the process of starting my career and I was really worried about how I would be perceived. I had not seen any natural haired beauties in corporate America and I was worried that I was setting myself up to be viewed as a rebel. Natural hair was not even common in my city. The thought persisted and eventually I decided to do it no matter what anyone thought. I was driven by cusriosity about how my natural hair looked. I took the hair plunge and did the big chop and my career has continued to grow. I am still met with a few raised eye brows but as I have grown to accept myself, people accept me as well. 

The majority is not always right: I grew up with a very narrow standard of beauty. They were pushed at me on television, billboards and even by the kind of women that male family members brought home. It seemed to me that the more European your look, the more beautiful you were. Thankfully I was able to reject this notion internally because I had a father who valued me and taught me how to value myself. He taught me that I was beautiful but that there was so much more to life than being consumed by how I looked. Because of those life lessons I learnt to question what the majority said. I am dark skinned woman and in Kenya where I grew up, dark skinned is not considered beautiful obviously the amazing Lupita Nyongo is changing that. This same principle helped me challenge the idea that straight hair is better and that I should go to great lengths to get it. I think people should be free to wear their hair how they want as long as it is not driven by an internal need to fit into the very narrow box defined by the beauty industry. 

The other widely accepted idea I found hard to accept was that black hair does not grow except for the lucky few who have good genes and therefore good hair. I do not think that long hair is more attractive than short hair but I think that every kind of hair can be healthy and long if given the proper care. I was determined to find out if this was true even though I was not of mixed race.  

Sometimes you should go with your gut: My sweet friend Chebet shared her reason for going natural.  She did not want her daughter growing up thinking there was something wrong with her. That resonated deeply with me. As a side note she ended up having two boys and I have two girls. I wondered what we were telling young black girls and I decided I would be one of the women that had hair that looked just like their. I wanted to help them not question if their hair is acceptable. This was a confirmation to the gut feeling I had for a long time that maybe we needed to reverse the message we were passing on to the next generation. I wanted to be part of a new generation that was at home with who we were no matter what everyone else said. Hair goes deeper than the scalp. 

You do not have to know everything to get started: I had no clue how to take care of my hair when I first got started. All I knew is that my hair needed moisture so I washed it all the time. I did not know what products worked for my hair or where I could find help to take care of it. I went to the office many times looking like I had just been electrocuted because my wash and go would stand up straight when dry. I did not even like my hair in the beginning because it was so different from what I was accustomed to but I have come to really love it. We just needed to get acquainted. I have made many mistakes along the way and have had many inches of hair cut off to show for it. I finally got on a stable regimen that works for me. If you are afraid to take the first step because you do not see the full picture, remember you do not have to know everything at first .... you can learn as you go. 

You can find a new set of cheerleaders: I have so many natural sisters to thank for giving me inspiration through their blogs and YouTube channels. Once I got started, I discovered that I was not the only one who was tired of getting perms every two months. I do not know any of these people personally but I have stuck on the journey because of their inspiration. I am surrounded by a great community of friends but none of them shared my passion for natural hair at the time. I gave myself permission to look elsewhere, to people I do not know and who have no idea I even exist. Most of us wait to get started on our goals because we are looking for others who share similar goals or to get approval by those around us. You may never find them in your current circles but if you start looking, you will be surprised by what you might find. 

As I pondered on these lessons I realized that my hair has taught me just as much as being an immigrant. I also realized I can apply the lessons to other areas I want my life to change in the next few years. Maybe we can take the journey together.