Being an immigrant sometimes really messes with your head . . .

This is the first installment of our "Conversation Fridays" series. The topic will change each week. Be part of the conversation by adding your comments! (Here's how you post a comment.)

Red Jade: Being an immigrant sometimes really messes with your head. Sometimes I don't know where I belong. My family thinks I am too American but Americans think/know I am not American - too foreign they say!

Rafiki: I feel that way often. I am not American enough neither am I Kenyan enough. It can be hard to find a place.

Red Jade: And yet, I am not trying to choose because I can't deny the influence of the culture I was raised up in and the influence of the culture I now find myself in . . . have been in for the last 15 years!

Rafiki: I have learnt to create a new normal that embraces where I was born and where I live now. These things make me the person that I am. I no longer feel the pressure to choose. When was the first time you realized you had changed?

Red Jade: Probably when I reached the point where I had the courage to live my life on my own terms, rather than to live by what was expected of me. I don't think it was being here in the US per se that created that. I think it could have happened in any other country. Rather it was because being away from home, I really learnt how to live on my own and to rely on myself.

Rafiki: We eventually come into our own but living away from home definitely accelerates the process. I was in school with Americans most of my first year in the US. At some point I spent time with some Kenyans that had just arrived and we seemed worlds apart. I was surprised I felt so different after one year. Change happens fast especially when you immerse yourself in the culture and learn as much as you can. Do you think we can live in a different country and not change at all? What are the consequences of that?

Red Jade: The key word is "immersion". Your degree of immersion will determine how much the new culture influences you. And immersion can be by choice or necessity. I think to flourish in a new place, you need to immerse yourself. Think about a new job, your chances of success are higher if you fit into the work culture and you can either already fit in when you walk in the door or you can work at it. Obviously it's better to be proactive rather than reactive so I would prefer to choose whether to immerse myself. If nothing else, it means that you are somehow controlling the influences around you.

Rafiki: That makes a lot of sense and immersion does not necessarily mean embracing every new thing. It means being clear about what you have to do and why. It also means that you are clear who you are, which will ground you. There is so much to see and learn and it can get overwhelming if you are not clear about what will be beneficial to you and what will not be beneficial. It is also important to identify sub cultures so that you decide how you want to be identified. Industries have subcultures; for example working in a bank is very different from working in an ad agency and we need to do different things to adapt. I love something I once heard that gave me some sort of new identity: we are children of the world. That was pretty cool.

Red Jade: Yeah, I definitely consider myself a world citizen. I used to read a lot as a kid and I visited many places and experienced many cultures through all that reading. I think even before I left home, I had "changed" in my mind and my heart, even though my lifestyle may not have shown that.

Rafiki: We are the beginning of a new generation of people who will live in many places, have relationships with people from all over the world and identify with various cultures. My world has definitely been enriched by the experience and as long as I am not trying to fit into a certain mold or be a certain way I can be at home with myself and accept the new normal. We can learn, grow and change without losing ourselves. What has changed the most about you?

Red Jade: I definitely appreciate the opportunity to have had all the experiences I have had, and my life is so much richer. The biggest change I have experienced is self-development and through that I have learnt that there is more to life than just making a living. Now I am focused on achieving Maslow's highest identified need of "Self-Actualization".

Rafiki: The journey to self-actualization continues, I cannot wait to see what we become from the influences of multiple worlds which will forever be a part of who we are. I bet there are numerous stories out there about how people deal with living between two worlds.

Red Jade: Want to join the conversation? How has being away from home changed you? When was the moment that you realized the change? What has the reaction of your family at home been? How do you navigate between the different cultures? Post a comment to join the conversation.